The Fight for my Life
by redundant01
Summary: I still have nightmares, which aren't really nightmares, just memories. Brutal, vivid, terrifying memories. What's worse than the nightmares? Simple. The dreams. A Spashley story.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **_Hey, Guys. This is my first Published. Just a heads up it deals with some pretty heavy stuff. I'm definitely open to feedback. I've already got a couple chapters listed and I hope to be able to keep them coming I would really like to know what you think. I would even be willing to incorporate some of your ideas. _

**Prologue **

**Ashley's POV**

I can still remember the confusion. I had no idea what was going on. All I know is that he said he loved me. At that point I had only ever felt love from my family, with the exception of my mother. I always wondered what I did to make her not love me.

I was 10 years old at the time. He was 16 or 17. I don't really remember. We were neighbors and he was always nice to me. My older brother, Dan, and I would always go play across the street with Joe, Brittany, and Jessica. The girls were Joe's younger sisters. Brittany being my age and Jessica being my brothers age, 12.

We would all play hide and seek all the time. Joe would always show me where the best hiding spots were and he usually hid with me. Always sneaking out before anyone found us.

It started out simple. He kissed me on the cheek and told me that he was glad we got to spend time together. It made me happy to have someone around that cared about me, seeing as my mother seemed to hate me and my father was always gone on tour with his rock band, Purple Venom.

One day we were hidden in a place no one knew existed, so we knew we wouldn't get caught. He randomly pulled out his penis and put my hand on it. I tried to pull away but he assured me it was okay and it's what people did when they were in love. Then he proceeded to tell me that we were in love when I looked questioningly at him.

I remember being so scared when he made me put my mouth on it. I didn't want to, but I felt I had no choice because he might not love me anymore if I said no. Afterward he told me that I couldn't tell anybody, and when I asked him why he said that no one would understand and that we would never be able to hang out again.

Then he proceeded to give me 'gifts' to make sure I kept quiet. Like money, or flowers. I was too young to fully comprehend what was going on, but I was so scared to tell anyone the truth because I thought I would get in trouble. He made me feel like I was doing something wrong and that I was at fault.

One day he took me to 'our spot' and tried to have sex with me. I didn't know what that was. I told him that it hurt and I didn't want to but he told me it was okay. It was supposed to hurt the first time and that it would start feeling better later. It never did. And no matter how much I cried and told him I didn't want to, he kept going. It was one of the worst experiences of my life.

After that day I started withdrawing from him. I stopped following him to 'our spot' and started trying to hide by myself. I never told anyone about it, thinking I would be the one to get in trouble. About a year later me and my family moved to another town and I never saw him again.

I still have nightmares, which aren't really nightmares, just memories. Brutal, vivid, terrifying memories. What's worse than the nightmares? Simple. The dreams. The dreams of being happily married to the perfect woman with two beautiful children and the perfect life. What's so bad about that, you ask? The fact that everytime I wake up I realize it was all a dream and then the reality of my poor excuse of a life comes back.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **_Okay so I feel like I got a good response from the prologue. Thanks for the reviews guys! So here's the first chapter, I hope you like it. Just a fair warning, I'm not very good at writing dialogue. If you got any tips on that feel free to let me know. I'm still working out some kinks in chapter 2 but I'll post that as soon as I get it done._

**Chapter 1**

I'm Ashley Davies. 18 years old. I live with my mother and my 16 year old sister, Kyla. I'm very much a lesbian and I am in no way in the closet. The only person that doesn't know is Kyla. But she probably knows too, because she's dating Aiden. If she does know she must be waiting for me to tell her, because she hasn't said a word to me about it. I don't know why I haven't told her. Maybe I'm just afraid she'll stop loving me like the rest of my family did. Except for my dad he's the only one who loved me anyway. Even Dan stopped talking to me and I haven't seen him since he left for college 2 years ago.

I didn't find out I even had a sister until 3 years ago when my dad died in a car accident. He apparently had an affair while on tour and had another daughter that he kept secret until the reading of his will in which we were to split his millions. Mom was pissed that he cut her out of the will. Serves the bitch right for the way she treated the two of us. I don't blame my father for cheating one bit.

Anyway, I found out I have a sister three years ago and wasn't the nicest person towards her for the longest time. But now we're close and I have yet to officially come out to her. I have a feeling she knows, but just wants me to come to her. So that's exactly what I'm going to do. Once I sober up.

I'm at this club called Grey right now dancing with this smoking hot red head. She's grinding all up on me to the heavy beat of the loud music. We're basically dance fucking. There's a pounding in my clit and I just can't take it anymore, so I grab her hand and lead her to the bathroom. We step into a stall and I lock the door and push her up against the wall. She releases a groan when my thigh moves between her legs.

She tilts her head and gives me access to her neck, which I happily accept. I start rocking myself on her thigh whilst rocking my own thigh into her center. By the sounds she's making I can tell she's really enjoying this. I slip my hand up her skirt and push her panties to the side, then quickly shove two fingers inside and start up a fast pace. Her head slams back into the door and a moan is ripped from her throat. I can already feel her walls tightening so I slip in a third finger and start brushing my thumb over her clit. It takes all of three strokes and she's violently cumming all over my hand. I pull out, exit the stall and wipe my hand on my skirt as I leave the bathroom and then the club to head home.

Once I arrive home I find Kyla waiting in my room asking me where I've been. With mom out of the picture it's just us, so we take care of eachother.

"I was out" I reply curtly.

"Getting wasted again apparently."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I immediately go on the defensive.

"Only that you spend too much time drinking and skipping school. I'm worried about you," she replies with obvious concern written all over her face.

My face immediately softens at her words. "You're right. I'm sorry, sis. I don't mean to worry you all the time."

"It's okay big sis, just promise me you'll slow down and that you'll drive me to school tomorrow?" I laugh and nod as I lean in for a hug. Leave it to my sister to use my guilt to con me into going to school and giving her a ride. Her and Aiden are the only two that can get me to do something I don't want to do. Kyla starts to leave the room, but stops when I call her name.

"Yeah?" she responds softly. Waiting for me to go on.

"Umm... I need to tell you something..." I slowly stutter out. That really concerns her. Ashley Davies does not stutter or get nervous. She's confident, sexy, and a total bad ass. She doesn't stutter. Except for now, apparently.

Kyla quickly turns around and is back at my side in no time comfortingly rubbing my back in gentle circles, "What is it? You know you can tell me anything..."

"Yeah, I know..." I start taking deep breaths to keep myself calm, and she just sits there patiently waiting for me to spit it out. I can see her growing impatient and the seconds tick by...

"Just tell me already!" She huffs. I jump in surprise and look up at her with a shocked face. "Sorry, I just couldn't take the silence anymore... I promise I won't judge you whatever it is, I'll always love you."

Right there. That look she's giving me. She knows. She has to. There's no other explanation for that look. Well, there's no going back now. Here goes nothing, "I'm gay!" That's it Davies, just blurt it. Way to keep calm. I just hold my breath and await her reaction, which, quite frankly, is taking way too long...

Kyla just smiles and then burst out laughing at my expression once I finally look up at her. I just pout and say, "It's not funny. I'm being serious."

She just laughs harder and when she finally pulls herself together she pulls me into a fierce hug, "Of course you aren't joking. I just find it hilarious that you were this nervous to tell me even though I've always known." She grins at me, and I can't help but grin back.

I heave a huge sigh of relief, "Thank God! I was so scared that you would treat me like Mom and Dan did. I don't know what I would have done if you stopped loving me too." And that's when I started sobbing into her neck. She just held me until I calmed down and whispered into my ear,

"They are stupid to stop loving someone as wonderful as you just because of which gender you prefer." And with those words I started sobbing again. Not because of the fact that she loves me. Because I don't understand why she still loves me. I'm such a fuck up. I drink and do drugs and fuck random girls and don't even remember their names. I don't even know how many people I've slept with, because I can't remember at least a fourth of my nights out.

As I'm sobbing in my sisters arm I cry myself to sleep hoping for it to be dreamless...


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **_Okay, so chapter 2. Lots of dialogue. Pretty shitty. I know that this is two updates in one day, but that means that I've got everything posted that I've written so don't get used to the super fast updates. It also means that any ideas you guys may have will be able to be directly added to the story! I still haven't figured out exactly where I'm going with this story, but I hope it will not disappoint._

**Chapter 2**

**Ashley's POV**

God damn fucking school. I fucking hate Mondays. All weekdays really. I slowly remove myself from my car and make my way to the coffee stand by the quad. Kyla knows better than to try and have a conversation with me before I've had my coffee. After a ridiculously long wait I finally grab my coffee and take sip. Mmmm, caffeine. I don't know how anyone survives without it. I turn back towards the quad to find Kyla and she's too busy shoving her tongue down Aiden's throat to even notice my reappearance. So I just head to class.

When I walk in the teacher just stares at me shocked that I'm actually here and before the bell.

"Nice of you to actually show up on time for once Miss Davies."

"Just keeping you on your toes Mrs. Galloway." She's actually my favorite teacher. She's the only one who doesn't treat me like a no good piece of shit. She seems to genuinely care about all of her students.

I just took my usual seat and sat there waiting for the bell to ring so that I can just get this day over with. The bell finally rings and I start doodling like usual when then door opens. I have to look because I'm usually the only one that shows up late. As soon as I look up I can't take my eyes off of her. The most beautiful woman that I've ever seen has walked in. I don't hear a word of the exchange between her and the teacher because I'm too consumed with my thoughts of how breathtakingly gorgeous this woman is. I decide right then and there that I have no choice but to get to know her.

Wow. That's strange. I haven't ever had those thoughts about a girl before. All I ever want from anyone is drugs or sex. What is this wanting to get to know her shit that keeps plaguing my thoughts?

Oh God. She's coming this way. Why is she coming this way? Why are my hands sweating? Gross. That never happens. I don't understand what is wrong with me. She takes the seat next to me and I give her a soft smile. She easily returns it and I get lost in her gorgeous blue eyes. They're the most amazing eyes I've ever seen. I feel like I could stare into them forever.

She raises her eyebrows at me and I realize that I've been staring. I quickly look away trying to hide my blush. What the hell is wrong with me? Ashley Davies doesn't blush. Ever. What is this girl doing to me? I don't even know her. A few minutes pass by and I keep sneaking glances at her trying to be subtle. It's obviously not working because she looks over at me at the same time and gives me another eyebrow raise accompanied with a smirk.

Damn. That's the sexiest smirk I've ever seen. Okay. Game time Davies. Pull yourself together. She's just another girl. You can do this.

I pull out a piece of paper and start to write and then pass the note over to her.

_I'm Ashley Davies. What's your name?_

She looks from the note to me questioning me with her eyes. I just nod at the note and wait for her to pass it back.

_Did you not hear the teacher introduce me to the entire class not 5 min ago?_

Oh. I guess not. I give her a sheepish smile as we pass the note back and forth.

_No. I didn't. I hardly ever listen to the teacher._

_Well, I'm Spencer Carlin._

_Spencer, I like it. It suits you. _

_Why would you think it suits me? You don't even know me?_

_You're right, I don't know you. But I would like to. Where are you from?_

_Ohio. You lived here long?_

_L.A. Born and raised. _

_We really should pay attention. Don't wanna make a bad impression on my first day._

_You can pay attention all you want. I know I won't be able to._

_And why is that?_

Before I could write a response the bell rang. As we packed our stuff up I kept sneaking glances. On the way out the door, I casually asked, "What class do you have next?"

"AP History"

"Well, that's in the same area as mine. Allow me to escort you." My next class in no where near hers I just want to spend more time with her.

"Okay. Lead the way," Spencer gave me a small smile.

As we were walking I decided to try and get to know her a little better. "So, how are you liking King High so far?"

"It's a lot bigger than my old school. It's pretty overwhelming, actually."

"Well, if you would like I can be your personal tour guide so you don't get lost."

"Hmm... I just might take you up on that." She says as we round the last corner to her classroom.

"Well, here we are. Just wait here when you get out of class and I'll be here to show you your next class, okay?"

"Oh. You don't have to go out of your way to help me. I'm sure I can figure out where it is."

"Trust me. It's no problem. It will be my pleasure to help you." I give her my best nose crinkling smile.

"Okay, thank you." She gives me a shy smile in return, then walks into her classroom.

The bell rings and I race off to my class. Late, as usual. I have to sneak out of my class a few minutes early to meet Spencer so she isn't waiting too long for her. I manage to get there a few seconds early and lean up against the wall across the hall from her classroom.

**Spencer's POV**

I walk into my second period giving Ashley a small wave. I walk up to the teacher and give her my slip to sign, then turn to find a seat. The only one left is next to a petite black girl with friendly eyes. Pretty cute too. When I sit down, I offer her my hand, "Hi, I'm Spencer Carlin."

The darker girl extends her hand to shake mine, "Chelsea Lewis, nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too."

"So, Spencer, where you from?"

"Ohio."

"Wow, so a big move then."

"Definitely. The change is kind of overwhelming. But I think I already made one friend."

"Well, that's good. And who might this friend be?"

"Her name is Ashley. She's really nice. Offered to show me to all my classes." Chelsea quirks a brow at this.

"Ashley who? I might know her."

"Ashley Davies. I sat next to her in my first class."

"Ashley Davies? Nice?" I looked at her with confusion so she went on, "Ashley's never nice to anyone. Always has a bad attitude and almost never shows up to school. Usually too hungover." This doesn't sound anything like the Ashley I just met, so I have to wonder if we're talking about the same person.

"Are you sure we're talking about the same person? Dark curly hair, brown eyes" Absolutely gorgeous. I've never seen anyone as beautiful as she is. I swear I got a little lost in her eyes earlier...

"Yep. That's her. Wonder what's with the attitude change. She doesn't usually take to strangers. I love her to death. She's one of my closest friends, but she's always has attitude. And she can be quite narcissistic." That's odd. What kind of person says all those things about a friend?

After that we chatted casually throughout class. I couldn't stop thinking about a certain brunette and wondering if she would actually show up to walk me to class like she said she would. If Chelsea is right then why was Ashley so nice to me?

After the bell rang and we gathered our stuff up we walked out the door and there was Ashley leaned up against the wall opposite me looking pretty sexy.

**Ashley's POV**

When the bell rang I started getting all nervous again. Why am I getting so nervous? She's just a girl. Oh crap, here she comes. I smile at her and then notice she's walking out with Chelsea. Oh boy. I wonder what has been said about me.

"Hey Spencer. Chelsea." I nod curtly at Chelsea and grin at Spencer. "So, what's your next class?"

"AP Calculus," She grins back and I feel butterflies in my stomach. What the hell is going on with me?

"Great, it's this way." I say pointing to my left.

"You feelin' okay?" Chelsea asks in that smart ass tone as she reaches for my forehead like she's checking my temperature.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why would are you asking?" I stare at her making my confusion clear.

"Oh, nothing. You're just being nice. To a stranger. You hit your head recently?" I just laugh and shake my head at her.

"I'm fine, Chels. Just helping out the new girl," I send Spencer a kind smile. "Shall we?" I ask extending an elbow for her to take my arm.

"We shall." She says then giggles and actually takes my arm! Holy shit I wasn't actually expecting her to take my arm!

"Later Chels!" She just stands there dumbfounded as we walk off.

We continue with the same pattern of random small talk between classes until lunch time. I invite her to sit with me and my sister and she accepts, but before we can get to our table we hear her name yelled across the quad by a blonde boy. I glance curiously at Spencer questioning her with my eyes.

"That's my twin brother, Glen. I'm gonna go see what he wants and then I'll come to your table, if that's okay?" she asks almost hesitantly.

"Yeah sure. No problem. You can bring your brother if you want." I smile reassuringly at her.

She nods and walks away. It doesn't escape my attention that her brother just so happens to be at the table with the cheerbitches. I sit down and lose myself in my thoughts. She seems to be taking a really long time to come over here. What if Madison told them all kinds of shit about me and she decides she wants nothing to do with me anymore?

"Ashley?!"

"Huh?" I can tell it's not the first time Kyla's called my name. "Sorry. Got lost in my thoughts."

"Whatcha thinking about?" Shit. I don't want to tell her about Spencer. She'll totally get the wrong idea and bug me about it all the time. Just as I was about to respond, I was saved by Spencer appearing. Out of nowhere, I might add.

"Hey, Spencer!" I nod towards the seat next to me. "What did your brother want?" As she moves to the side I notice a black guy standing behind her.

"Just wanted to see how my first day was going." I think she notices where my gaze when because she explains his presence. "This is my brother Clay. Clay this is Ashley."

I think Clay noticed the confusion of about everyone at the table, "I was adopted when I was 8." Oh. I think everyone gets it now."

"Hi Clay, nice to meet you." I politely shake his hand. "This is Kyla, my sister. Her boyfriend, Aiden. And Chelsea, my best friend. Guys, this is Clay and Spencer."

They all exchange nods and pleasantries. My sister and Aiden giving me confused look. I just roll my eyes and turn my attention back to Spencer. "So Spencer, you seen much of LaLa Land?"

"Yeah. Universal City, Santa Monica Pier..." She doesn't get to finish because I cut her off.

"Stop. Stop. You have to come with me after school so I can show you the real L.A."

"I can't. Glen's my ride." I just laugh.

"I have a car. I'll take you home." She smiles and nod. Looking slightly unsure.

"Okay. I'll just let Glen know before we head to class." I just grin.

The rest of the day goes by the same way as the first half did. Turns out we have gym together. Yay! I got a glimpse of her in the locker room and she is even more gorgeous than I originally thought. Then I take her around L.A. showing her the real sites. Not the touristy crap that everyone goes to. I'm pretty sure she's gay. Not sure what to do about that, but when I dropped her off later that night she hugged me goodbye.

I'm not really sure what to do about this girl. I just met her and already I can't stop thinking about her. But I can't get too close. Every time someone gets too close they leave. No one can love all of me. They always run. I'm just too fucked up. I don't deserved to be loved after everything that I let Joe do to me. I'm tainted. So, I just head to Grey's to find the only escape I know how.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **_Okay, so chapter 3. A bit shorter, but kind of heavy. And surprisingly the entire chapter was written in an hour. It just flowed very easily. Read, review, keep the feedback coming! I really appreciate all the reviews and followers. Thanks so much guys!_

**Chapter 3**

**Spencer's POV**

After Ashley dropped me off at home, I joined my family for dinner. Obviously, I got interrogated about my new friend from my mother. She terrified that I'm going to end up getting up to "lesbian activities" again. That's part of the reason we left Ohio, of course my mother will never admit that. According to her we moved solely for the "opportunities for career advancement" for her and my father. She used her career opportunity to convince my father to move us across the country to get me away from my girlfriend that she caught me with.

I can't help but be intrigued by the character that is Ashley Davies. It's almost like there is this invisible force that is pulling me towards her. I don't know what it is about her but I want to know more. I guess I'll just have to wait until morning.

**Ashley's POV**

I get home from the club, pissed off at myself. I make my way to my room and go straight for my guitar and start strumming random notes, trying to just get my head straight. Today has just been a really strange day, and tonight was fucking frustrating. I don't understand what the hell happened... KNOCK KNOCK

"Can I come in?" I hear Kyla on the other side of my door.

"Yeah, Baby Sis," I can't ever deny her anything.

"You're home rather early, everything okay?" Sometimes I think she knows me too well.

"Why would anything be wrong? I'm just working on some music."

"Yeah, but you don't normally get home so early from the clubs. I just thought you might want to talk. Especially after the weirdness with this Spencer girl." I groan in frustration. I should have known she would bring this up.

"Why is everyone freaking out that I invited Spencer to lunch and was nice to her?" I know the answer, but I'm just trying to prolong the inevitable of me spilling my guts.

"You know the answer to that. You're kind of a bitch to everyone outside of our circle." I sigh, knowing she's right. There's just something different about Spencer.

"Yeah, you're right. I don't know why, but I just couldn't bring myself to be mean to her." Why am I telling her this when I could have just kept my answer short?

"I get that, she seems really sweet. But you went out of your way to be nice to her. That's the part that's bringing on the concern." I sigh and lay back on my bed staring at the ceiling.

"I have no idea what's wrong with me, but it's like there's this invisible force drawing me closer to her. It's strange and I don't understand it." Again, why am I telling her this?

"You know, you could just like her. As in, more than I just want to fuck her." I stare at her trying to figure out how she found out about my late night activities. "Aiden was talking to me about how worried he is about you with the girls, drugs, and alcohol."

"Remind me to kick his ass tomorrow." I groan, too tired to be angry.

"So, what brought you home so early tonight?" And we're back to this. I sigh in frustration and get up to start pacing.

"I was at Grey's and I had a couple of shots. I started dancing with this really hot chick and we're getting really into it and when she leans in to kiss me I just turn my head and push her away and leave. Fuck. I don't know. I just couldn't do it. I don't know why, but I couldn't sleep with her. Hell, I couldn't even kiss her. Why? Why couldn't I do it? I've never had this problem before. What the hell is going on with me?" I finish ranting and look over at Kyla and she's smiling at me. Why the fuck is she smiling? "Why the fuck are you smiling? This isn't funny."

"That's where you're wrong, Big Sis. This is quite funny. You actually like Spencer. So much in fact that you couldn't pick up a random at Grey's, even though you've been doing that for years." I stare at her increduosly.

"I do not like her" I haven't even told her that I kept seeing Spencer's gorgeous blue eyes on the girl I was dancing with. Part of why I freaked and ran.

"Listen Ash, I'm tired of seeing you poison your body and hating yourself and being down right miserable. I love you and I believe you are a great person. A kind hearted, beautiful, caring person. You're just a little lost right now and maybe, just maybe Spencer can help you find your way back. Ever since Dad died and Dan left you've become an entirely different person from what Aiden said you used to be. I like the Ashley I see when it's just the two of us. The one that's not afraid to open up a little and talk about things. Like tonight. I want to see more of this Ashley. And the one that showed Spencer around school out of the kindness of your heart."

I don't even know how to respond to this, so I just lay back down on my bed. Kyla must sense that I need to be alone because she leans down and kisses my for head. With a goodnight and I love you she's out the door.

Maybe Kyla is right. Maybe Spencer is the person that can help me. I feel so different when I'm around her. Alive even. But nothing will ever happen. Spencer can't love me. Ever. No one can. I'm fucked up. Tainted. There's no way that even Kyla or Aiden could even love me if they knew what happened with Joe. If they knew what I let him do. I can't tell anyone, and I can't be anything but Spencers friend. It wouldn't be fair to her, because I can never give her all of me. I would always be holding back. I'm too fucked up to love her the way she deserves. So, I can't do anything about the way that I'm feeling. Friends. I can do friends.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **_So, here's the next chapter. I hope you all enjoy it. Please review and let me know what you think!_

**Chapter 4**

**Ashley's POV**

So, today is Friday. It's been nearly a week since I met Spencer, and I'm finding that I can't get her off my mind. It's making this friends thing really hard. I've been really nice and sappy lately. I think it's starting to ruin my rep. Maybe I need to get into a bitch fest with Madison to fix this...

"Hey!" I'm interrupted from my thoughts by a smiling Spencer. I was waiting for her to giver her a ride home so she doesn't have to wait for her brother to get out of basketball practice.

"Hey, how's it going?" I can't help but grin at her.

"I'm doing okay." she gets a sad look on her face and I can tell something's up. I give her my best bullshit look and she continues, "I got into a fight with my mom last night."

"I'm sorry Spence. What happened?" I ask, truly concerned.

"Nothing."

"That's bullshit and you know it, Spencer. Come on. You can talk to me. I can guarantee you that whatever it is my mom's done worse." I give her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"It's just. Ugh. It's really hard to talk about." she looks like she really wants to talk but she's scared. Of what I have no idea.

"Well, if you want, we can go grab some coffee and you can vent. I'm a much better listener with caffeine." I give her a lopsided grin.

"Alright. Let's go." She smiles back and it makes my heart flutter.

When we arrive at the coffee shop, I point her to a secluded booth in the corner and head to the counter to get our drinks. I sit down at the table and hand her her coffee and smile comfortingly as I take a seat. We sit in silence for a few minutes before I gently ask, "Do you want to talk about last night?"

"Umm. Yeah, I do. It's just. I don't know. I guess I should fill you in on some back story otherwise it just won't make as much sense." I just nod and wait for her to continue. I don't want to push her into telling me something she isn't ready to tell.

"Okay, so a few months before we moved form Ohio, I met this girl, Carmen, and one thing led to another and we ended up dating." I giver her had a reassuring squeeze to let her know that I'm there for her. "Anyway things were going really well and she started pushing me to come out, but I was terrified of the way my family would react, my mom in particular. She's very religious and has made her opinion on homosexuality very clear." She pauses for a few seconds trying to collect her thoughts. "So Carmen really wants me to come out and we start having a lot of arguments about. Me telling her I'm just not ready and her saying she understands and then after a few days she starts pushing me again. Well, next thing I know my mom is calling me telling me to get home right now. I have no idea what's going on, but she seems really pissed." Spencer takes a deep breath and looks like she's trying to fight back tears.

"It's okay, Spence. You don't have to tell me if you're not ready." She smiles softly at me but continues anyway.

"No, Ash. It's okay. I want to tell you." I just nod to let her know I'm all ears. "When I get home the first thing she does is throw some pictures at me and she looks like she's been crying. I look at her confusedly. It all becomes very clear why she looks so angry and distraught. She has pictures of me and Carmen making out. She said they were anonymously left on our doorstep. Mom just rushed to me and told me that if she stopped these sinful activities that she wouldn't tell my father and things would get better, that I would get better, once we moved to L.A." A few tears slowly make their way down her cheeks. I really want to reach over and wipe them away and hold her and tell her that I'll protect her from everything. "At this point I didn't know what to do, but I just wanted my mom to stop looking at me like I was disgusting and I sure as hell didn't want my dad to look at me like that either so I just agreed to be straight and told her that it was all a mistake and I was just confused. God, I'm so ashamed of myself for that. I just couldn't handle her looking so disappointed in me." She's steadily crying now and I move to her side of the booth and put my arm around her to comfort her the best I can.

"It's okay, Spence. You just weren't ready to come out and face it all. I understand. It's okay." She just shakes her head and ignores my words of comfort.

"It's not okay. I lied to myself and everyone around me, and pretended to be straight. Hell, I'm still pretending. And that's not even the worst part of the story." She just keeps shaking her head as her tears start coming faster. "After I got done talking to my mother, I went to tell Carmen what happened. When I got to her house I told her what happened and she told me that it was about time that my mother found out. I just looked at her and couldn't believe what I was hearing. She went to the bathroom and while she was gone I scanned her room. I found copies of the same photos that my mom had on her desk. When she came back from the bathroom and I confronted her about them I found out that she had one of her friends take the pictures and put them on my doorstep. I was so pissed. I started yelling at her asking how she could do that to me. She pushed me up against the wall and told me to shut up and that she could do whatever she wanted and that I had no control over her. I pushed her off me and she slapped me across the face and told me that she had been cheating on me the entire time we had been together. I told her it was over and that I never wanted to talk to her again as I left her house. When I got back to my house, Mom and Dad were sitting in the living room with Glen and Clay and told me to sit down and that they had something to tell us. I took a seat and found out that we were officially moving to L.A. and that we would be leaving in two weeks. I was glad to get away from Carmen. To have my mother look at me like I was her child again. But I know that won't last because I am gay and that's never gonna change." At this point her head is laying on my shoulder and she's crying with my arm wrapped around her shoulders.

We just sat there for a while, I'm not really sure how long, and I let her cry. When she had stopped crying I gently lifted her face up to meet my eyes. "Spencer, I understand exactly what you're going through. There's nothing you can do to change who you are. But I want you to know that when you do decide that you can't hide anymore and you want to tell your parents, I'm here for you. No matter what." I really want to tell her about my mother but I don't want to make this situation about me. It's Spencer's time to be vulnerable and I need to be there for her not make her have to be here for me.

"Thank you so much Ashley. You have know idea how much that means to me." She leaned over and gently kissed my cheek. I couldn't help the blush that crept up on my cheeks. "And if you ever want to talk about anything I'm here for you too." I grinned at her.

"I just might have to take you up on that offer, but for now, how do you feel about going out with me and the gang tonight? We're going to a club that has live music and caters to underage people so you don't need a fake to get in." She looks unsure.

"I would love that, but I don't know if my parents will let me." She looks sad again.

"Well, how about I take you home and you can ask your parents. Clay is coming so you can make sure that they know he'll be with you. And I can pick you and Clay up around 8? Chelsea will be riding with me too." I smile at her. I'm pretty sure there's something going on between Chelsea and Clay.

"Okay, definitely." She's grinning and I'm just so glad that she's smiling again. I can't stand seeing her hurting.

We're in the car driving towards her house in a comfortable silence when she all of a sudden breaks it, "Do you think there's something going on with Clay and Chelsea?"

I laugh because I had been thinking the same thing not too long ago. "Definitely." is my response. She laughs with me as we pull into her driveway. "Okay, so I'll see you tonight?"

"As long as my mom doesn't flip about me going out then, yes!" She looks genuinely excited. I give her a hug.

"Thank you for trusting me enough to talk to me about everything." She just smiles.

"Thanks for listening." I smile and wave as I back out of her driveway.

As I drive down the road, I glance at the clock and realize that I've barely got enough time to get home and get ready in time to pick everyone up. I step on the gas and speed down the road.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **_Okay, so I know I just posted the last chapter not a couple of hours ago, but this one just flowed right along with the other and I couldn't seem to stop writing. It's a bit longer that all the other ones. It's also pretty heavy. I hope you enjoy and review. Thanks for all of the reviews that I have gotten already. You're input is always appreciated. _

**Chapter 5**

**Ashley's POV**

So, we've all been at Grey's for about an hour now, and I'm just not feeling it. Probably because I've had like five of my past randoms come up to me while I was with Spencer, and judging by the look on her face, she's not too happy about it. I mean it's not like I can change my past but I really like Spencer and I don't want her to think that I'm just a whore and sleep around just to sleep around. And I haven't slept with anyone since I met her and that's a big deal in itself. I've only known her a week but I've usually slept with at least three girls by the end of the week. And I don't even miss it. I haven't even really thought about trying to hook up all week, and I really like that. I feel almost normal when I'm with Spencer.

Except for right now when I feel like I need to tell her the truth about my life since she did the same for me. I'm terrified that she'll run away screaming when she see's how fucked up I really am. The least I can do is tell her about my dad's death.

"Hey, Spence?" She just mumbles a hmm and glances in my direction. "Do you by any chance wanna get out of here? I'm not really feelin' it and I was wondering if we could maybe go somewhere and talk for a bit?" She looks at me with this unreadable expression and I'm not sure what to make of it.

"Umm, sure. But what are Chelsea and Clay going to do about getting home? They look like they're have a good time." I look in the same direction as her and see that they're getting really close on the dance floor.

"I'll just tell Kyla and Aiden to give them a lift when they're ready to leave, okay?" She just nods and we get up to leave, briefly stopping to tell Kyla to take them home later.

The drive is a little uncomfortable. Neither of us has said a word for the past 15 minutes. I decided to take her to this spot that I used to come to with my dad all the time. We pull up on the side of the road near some trees and she just looks at me like I'm crazy.

I walk around the car and open her door, "Just trust me." She nods and I take her hand and lead her up the invisible path to the top of the hill.

When we get to the top, her jaw drops at the amazing view of the city. It truly is gorgeous. We take a seat towards the edge overlooking the city and just sit for a while. Eventually she interrupts the silence, "So, you wanted to talk to me about something?" She questions lightly.

"Yeah, actually. Umm, you know all those girls that came up to me at the club?" She just nods and the unreadable expression is back. "Well, I just thought I could explain a few things."

"Did you sleep with all of them?" She asks rather bluntly, surprising both of us.

"Yeah, I just. Ugh! This isn't going at all how I wanted it to." I sigh heavily and get up to start pacing. Trying to get my thoughts together to explain. "I just. I've had some really shitty things happen in the past, I haven't always dealt with them in the best way. I've been really fucked up for the longest time. Years actually." God I hope that this doesn't scare her away. "I haven't felt okay in a long time. I actually don't remember the last time that I felt anything but pain and heartache. That is, until you came into my life. I know it's only been a week, but when you're around I don't feel so fucked up all the time." Next thing I know I'm spilling all kinds of stuff that I never thought I would tell anybody. I don't even know why I feel so comfortable with her. It's quite terrifying, but I can't seem to help myself.

"I'm about to tell you something that I've never told anyone. Not even Kyla, or my dad." I pause and move to the edge of the cliff and just stare at the city. "When I was about 10 years old I was playing with my neighbors. Joe was the oldest, he was in high school. But for some reason he still hung out with me and my 12 year old brother and his younger sisters that were the same ages and my and my brother, Dan. Joe always seemed to hang gravitate towards me almost like he was helping me out because I was the youngest. He would show me all of the good hiding spots when we would play hide and seek. There was one spot that no one could ever find us in, and one day he kissed me on the cheek and told me he was glad we were friends and that he cared about me. Then not too much later he kissed me on the lips. This went on for a while and I felt like he truly cared about me. Then one day he pulled out his penis and told me to touch it. I didn't want to but he told me it was okay and that that's what people do when they love each other. I was scared and I really didn't want to, but I was afraid he would stop loving me and then I wouldn't have him around anymore. He convinced me that I loved him too and that no one would understand our love. She he gave me gifts all the time to help keep me from telling anyone because they wouldn't let us be friends anymore. One day he made me put my mouth on it. I didn't like it at all. But I was still scared to tell him that I didn't like it." I stopped, getting choked up. I've never talked about any of this before and I didn't realize that it would feel like it was happening over and over again. Next thing I know, Spencer is by my side holding me and telling me that everything is okay now and that he can't hurt me anymore.

I finally get myself in check enough to be able to continue. "One day we were in our spot and he tried to have sex with me. I told him that it hurt and I didn't want to. I didn't even know what sex was, and I definitely didn't want to do it. He said that it was okay and that it was supposed to hurt and then it would feel better later. It never did. And he never stopped. Even when I begged and pleaded for him to stop and that it hurt so bad. He just put his had over my mouth and refused to stop. When he finally did, I just curled up in a ball and cried for what felt like hours. He just left me there. I never went back to that spot and I was never alone with him again. I never told anyone about what happened. I thought I would get in trouble. That I had done something wrong, and that my mother would be really mad at me. So I just kept quiet. You're the only person that I've ever told about this. I just, I don't know. I just feel really comfortable with you." I finally looked up at her and all I saw was pure heartbreak and sympathy. I don't want her sympathy. I want her to know why I'm as fucked up as I am because I don't think I can keep things platonic and if I'm going to end up in a relationship with her then she needs to know everything first so that she doesn't get blindsided later on.

"I'm so sorry that happened to you Ashley." All of a sudden her eyes flashed with anger, "I really want to hunt this guy down right now." She said with clenched fists. I just smiled softly at her and continued the tale that is my fucked up life.

"There's more to the story, Spence." She looked at me like she couldn't believe there was more. "Nothing more to do with him. It's about my parents now." I smiled sadly, knowing this was going to hurt just as bad.

"You don't have to tell me now, Ash. It's been a very emotional day and I understand if you don't want to talk about it anymore." I just squeeze her tight.

"I have to. I need to get this all out, but thank you for understanding." She smiled briefly before her face turned sad again. "I feel like my mother has always hated me, just for being born. She's never really been there for me and she always treated me like shit. I just learned to ignore her from an early age. My dad, being the rock start that he was, was hardly ever home, seeing as he was almost always on tour. So that just left me and my older brother, Dan. We always looked out for each other. We were all we had. But, when I came out when i was 15 everything changed. My mother told me I was disgusting and slapped me and has barely spoke a word to me since. Dan followed in her steps and barely spent any time with me or even looked at me, really. My dad was the only one that told me he loved me and that they would come around eventually. Oh how wrong he was. I felt like shit about myself. I had no one. Except for Aiden. He was the best friend I could have asked for. He was there for me at school when Madison Duarte decided to give me hell and label me as the school dyke. Never missing a chance to make fun of me. Then my did died in a car accident a month after I came out. I was devastated. I was truly alone in the world except for Aiden. He tried to help me, but I just pushed him away. Always keeping him at arms length. I didn't want him to hurt me like everyone else in my life. But he stuck by me and I'm so glad he did. He showed me that not everyone leaves. A few weeks after my dad died, I found out that I had a sister that was two years younger than me. Apparently, Dad and an affair while on tour in Boston. Kyla showed up because of the terms in his will. He wanted us to get to know each other. I was a royal bitch at first. It took about 3 months before I finally started to get to know her. She's probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. She has stuck by me through all of the shit I've thrown at her." I stopped to see how all of this was sinking in with her. She just looked like she really want to take my pain away. I sighed before I continued.

"After my dad died, my mother started sleeping with any guy that had money. She was almost never home, always flying off to random parts of the world with random men. So me and Kyla were left to take care of ourselves. I didn't know how to deal with everyone so I started drinking and going out all the time. Then I started hooking up with random girls just to try and feel something other than pain. I started taking pills to help take the pain away. Anything to escape the torment that is my mind. To avoid having to deal with all my emotions of anguish and betrayal. I've been on that patter for the past two years now. And until you came along, I haven't felt any positive emotions. It's like when I look in your eyes I can breath again without this horrible pain in my chest. You've helped me in ways that you will never understand just by being here." I finally stop talking and try to gauge her reaction. When she doesn't say anything I decide to continue the last of my thoughts, "I haven't even felt the urge to go out and do all of that since you showed up on Monday. I haven't slept with anyone since I met you and I haven't wanted to either." Now that I've told her everything, I shut up for real this time.

I cautiously turn my head to look at her. This is all a lot to take in. She's just sitting there, crying silently trying to process everything. I can tell that she needs some time to sort it all out in her head so I just sit there in her arms and wait. Time seems to be going agonizingly slow, and I feel like I've been waiting for hours by the time that she finally speaks.

"Ash," I look up as she quietly calls my name, "I don't know what to say. You make me feel so much and I just feel so bad that I didn't come here sooner. I wish I would have met you all those years ago so I could maybe save you some of the pain you went through. I care about you so much. I feel like there's just this invisible force pulling me towards you, and I'm terrified at how quickly these feelings have developed." She stops and looks into my eyes like she's searching for something.

"What feelings, Spence?" I need to know that I'm not alone in this. That she feels it too. She doesn't respond, she just leans in and kisses me. It's soft and sweet and she's pouring everything she feels into this one kiss. This kiss that is like nothing I've ever felt before. My heart is pounding in my chest and it literally takes my breath away. I lean more into her and she slowly pulls away giving me a quick peck before she engulfs me in a hug. I can't help but grin at what just happened. I feel happy for the first time in a long time. It feels like my heart might finally be starting to heal a little bit from everything that has happened in the past. Right here, with Spencer, I feel more safe than I've ever felt in my entire life. It feels like right here, in her arms, is where I'm meant to be.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **_This chapter is really long, but I couldn't find a good place to stop so I just didn't. I hope you enjoy! Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for all the follows and reviews!_

**Chapter 6**

**Ashley's POV**

We've just been sitting here, on this hill, holding each other for I'm not even sure how long. God, I really like this girl. But I can't help but wonder what this all means. I mean we've basically spilled all of our secrets and then she kissed me. That kiss was the single most amazing thing I've ever experienced. I want to do it again. I'm just not sure what all of this means. Are we together? Is she even ready for that? If we do get together, how long are we going to have to be in the closet before she's ready to tell her parents? I would never push her to come out, but I don't know if I can go back into the closet. I mean if we...

"What's going on in that head of yours?" She cuts off my thoughts. I'm not quite sure what to say.

"Well, I was just thinking about that kiss." I'm sure I have a really goofy look on my face right now. "And how it was the single most amazing thing I have ever experienced." She's now got the same goofy grin on her face and she leans in and pecks my cheek. "But I can't help wonder what it all means. I know you're not ready to come out, and I would never push you to do something like that when you're not ready. But I'm not gonna pretend I don't want to be with you when I do. I really like you Spencer. You make me feel things I've never felt before, and I don't want that to end." I stop talking in hopes that I can figure out where her head is at with all of this.

"I really like you too, Ash. You make me feel all of that too. And I really want to be with you, but you're right I'm not ready to come out to my family. But I don't want to put you in the position where you have to hide us. You're out and I don't want you to feel like you're being forced back into the closet. We both know how that worked out the last time I tried it." She gives me a sad smile, and my heart breaks for her.

"Spencer, you have to know that I am not Carmen. I would never do anything to hurt you. Especially out you to your own parents. That's beyond cruel." She nods like she knows all of this. "Spence, look at me." She looks up and blue meets brown. "I don't care about who knows about us. I don't want to hide, but I am willing to until you're ready. I would rather be with you and hide than not be with you at all. As far as everyone else is concerned, we're just good friends." I smile kindly at her and she returns it.

"Ashley, I care about you too much to ask you to do that for me." I just chuckle and shake my head at her. She's really not getting it.

"You're not asking me to. I'm volunteering." I give her my nose crinkling grin. "Spencer Carlin, would you do me the honor of going on a date with me tomorrow night?" I can see the joy and apprehension on her face. "Don't worry, it won't be in public and no one will find out unless you want them to. Trust me."

"Yes, I would love to go on a date with you tomorrow night." Next thing I know, I'm being tackled to the ground and her lips are on mine. There's a lot more passion in this kiss and it's just as amazing as the last one. Her tongue brushes across my lower lip asking for access and I gladly grant it by opening my mouth and tilting my head to deepen the kiss. The kiss slows down and we have to pull apart to be able to breath. We exchange a few chaste kisses before she lays her head on my chest and snuggles up into my side. I wrap my arms around her and pull her closer and softly kiss her forehead.

We lay there until Spencer starts to shiver and then we finally head out. I drop her off at home around 3 a.m. and tell her that I'll pick her up around 7:30 tomorrow night and head home to get some sleep before I have to wake up and start planning our date!

**Spencer's POV**

I woke up around noon and had a text waiting for me. When I looked at my phone I realized that it was from Ashley. I can't keep the grin off my face.

Good morning, Beautiful! :)

God, she's so sweet. I quickly type out a reply.

Good morning to you too, Gorgeous! :D

I set my phone back down and head downstairs. I find my dad in the kitchen, cooking pancakes and eggs and bacon. I grin at him. He sure is a great cook!

"Morning Dad!" I give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Morning, Sweetheart. Did you have a good time last night with Ashley?"

"Yeah, I did. And it was more than just Ashley." He gives me a knowing look and I can't quite figure out what he's thinking. "Where's Mom?"

"She got called in to the hospital so it's just us and your brothers today." Of course she's not even home.

"I actually have plans tonight, but we've got all day to hang out. We haven't had much time just us since the move." He smiles at me and gives me another hug.

"Great! I was hoping we could go catch a matinee around 2?" I grin. We used to go to the movies at least once a week, just the two of us. I really missed it.

"I would love to! Any idea what's playing?" I've been too preoccupied with the move to really pay much attention to what movies are playing.

"Nope. We'll just have to wing it." He turned off the stove and removed the food, then turned to face me. "What are your plans tonight?"

"I'm just hanging out with Ashley. She's trying to help me catch up with classes." I hate lying to him, but I'm just not ready to face it yet.

"Honey, I know that you probably don't want to talk about it, but I know that you like Ashley as more than a friend." I just stare at him in shock. How the hell does he know? "I can see it in your eyes, Sweetie. They sparkle when you talk about her." I'm still too shocked to say anything. "I love you, Spencer. No matter what. But if you're going to be dating Ashley, you have to bring her by for dinner so I can meet her. And don't worry. We don't have to tell your mother till you're ready." I leap into his arms. He really is the best dad in the world.

"Dad, there's something you need to know. Umm, I'm not really sure how to tell you this, but I had a girlfriend back in Ohio. When Mom found out, we got into a really big fight and told me that I could no longer see her and that she wouldn't tell you or anyone else if I stopped this phase I was going through." I stopped, trying to fight back tears and to gauge his reaction. I could see the fire in his eyes. He was not happy about this.

"I am so sorry she ever made you feel like you couldn't be yourself without losing the ones you love. I don't care what gender you prefer. Hell, I've known you were gay for about 10 years now." He ruffles my hair and gives me a hug while kissing the top of my head.

"I'm not ready to deal with Mom again. Can we please not talk to her about any of this just yet? I just want to figure out exactly what me and Ashley are before I put any stress on our relationship. Please, I'll come to you when I'm ready, but I just need a little more time." I feel really bad asking Dad to keep this from Mom when I know he's pissed at her for what she did in Ohio.

"Of course, sweetie. I just want you to be happy. Figure you and Ashley out and then we'll figure out what to do with your mother. I love you, kiddo."

"I love you too, Daddy" I give him one last hug and kiss on the cheek before I head back upstairs to get ready for our movie.

I had a great time at the movies with my Dad. It was really great to get to spend time with him and not have to lie about anything. I may have spent a decent portion of our time gushing about Ashley and how excited and nervous I am for our first date. He was just happy that I was happy and being open and honest. He also told me that I had no choice but to invite her over for dinner on Wednesday.

So, it's 7 o'clock and I'm standing in my closet in my bra and panties trying to figure out what to wear. Thank god I already have my hair and make up done. I don't even know what we're doing. I should text her and ask her what kind of clothes to wear.

Hey, since you haven't told me what we're doing I have no idea what to wear.

It didn't take but a few seconds for a response.

Just wear something casual and warm. I'll see you in half an hour, Beautiful! :)

Okay, so warm and casual. Hmmm... Oh. I'll wear my dark skinny jeans with a white v-neck, a blue jacket, and blue high top converse. Perfect. By the time I got dressed and did my once over in the mirror, I had about five min before Ashley got here and I was starting to get really nervous. I headed downstairs and my dad was in the living room.

"Hey, Sweetie. Wow, you look great!" Such a charmer he is.

"Thanks, Dad. Since Mom's not home you do you want to meet her as my date?" He beamed at me and practically ran to the door when we heard Ashley knock.

Dad throws the door open and Ashley is a little caught off guard. She doesn't know he knows. I probably should have given her a heads up. "You must be Ashley, come on in." He gave her kind smile and led her to the living room. When she walked around the corner and I caught sight of her, I just couldn't help myself. I gave her a warm kiss on the cheek and fell into her arms.

"Ash, you look great." Ashley looks at me like she's trying to figure out if it's okay if she kisses my cheek too. "It's okay, Ash. He knows. Apparently he's known since before I have." I beam at her and receive a nose crinkle in return. "Dad, this is Ashley Davies. Ash, this is my dad." Ashley reaches out to shake his hand, but because my dad is my dad he pulls her into a hug.

"It's nice to meet you Ashley." He grins at her.

"It's nice to meet you too, Mr. Carlin."

"None of the Mr. Carlin stuff. Call me Arthur." She just smiles and nods.

"Okay, Dad. I think we're gonna go. I love you. I'll be back later." I quickly pull Ashley out the door and can hear my dad call and 'I love you too' out after us.

"What the hell was that?" Ashley turns to me after we get in the car. "I thought we weren't telling anyone, especially your parents." She doesn't sound angry, just looks confused, and I don't blame her one bit.

"Well, we were talking this afternoon and I told him that I had plans with you tonight. Then he proceeded to tell me that he knows I like you as more than friends and that he's known I was gay for about 10 years. I didn't even know I was gay then. So I told him everything that happened with Mom and Carmen in Ohio. He was pissed at the way my mom treated me, but I asked him to wait to talk to Mom about any of this because I wasn't ready to deal with her yet. I just want to figure out what we are before I add any stress or pressure to our relationship or whatever this is." I just sit there waiting for her to say something.

"Wow. That's a lot to take in. So, you're Dad is okay with us?"

"Yeah. Actually, he has demanded that I invite you over for dinner on Wednesday so he can get to know you. So, do you want to come to dinner on Wednesday?" I ask with a shy smile.

"I would love to come to dinner on Wednesday. I'll be there as your friend though, right? Since your mom and brothers will be there." I just nod. "But I do have one question before we go enjoy our date." She grins a little at that.

"Okay, shoot."

"I know you said you aren't ready to come out, and I'm not asking you to. I'm just wondering if the fact that your dad knows changes how you feel about telling your brothers? I guess what I'm asking is do you plan on telling them before you deal with your mom?" She's all nervous that I might think she's pressuring me. It's adorable.

"I'm not really sure. I will definitely tell them before mom, but not just yet. I'll have to think more on it." I look over at her and she's smiling.

"Okay, Spence. Whatever you want to do is perfect. I was just making sure I understand where you are in all of this." She leans over and kisses my cheek. I blush. A lot. "Okay, let's get going. OH! I almost forgot." I look at her confused. She reaches behind my seat into the back seat and pulls out a bouquet of roses and hands them to me. I've never had anyone buy me flowers before. I'm stunned.

"Wow. They're beautiful, Ash. Thank you so much. I love them." I lean over and give her a quick kiss on the lips. She just beams and pulls out of the drive way. As we're driving down the road, she reaches over and grabs my hand and intertwines our fingers. We spend the rest of the drive like that. In a comfortable silence. We pull up on the side of the road. There's a few trees and rocks, but I have no clue where we are.

"Where are we?" I ask trying to figure it out.

"You'll see. She runs around and opens my door and helps me out of the car. "It's a little bit of a walk, I hope you don't mind." She asks as she takes my hand and leads me to a barely visible trail.

"You're not luring me out here to kill me are you?" I jokingly ask. She just grins.

"Damn. You caught me. I'm a serial killer and you're just my next victim." We both laugh, and I move a little bit closer to her.

We've been walking for about 10 min and the trees are disappearing. All of a sudden they're gone and we're in an open cove with a gorgeous view of the sunset. I just look at Ashley. She smiles shyly. "I thought we could watch the sunset for the first part of our date and talk a bit." All I can do is nod, not trusting my voice at this point. I'm floored. No one has ever put this much effort into a date. We don't end up doing much talking. Just sitting in the sand with my back leaned into her front, and her arms wrapped around my waist. It's perfect.

Once the sun is down, she helps me up and pulls me around to the other side of this big rock where I am once again floored. There's this beautiful candle light picnic set up. There's a picnic basket sitting in the middle of a blanket with at least a dozen candles set up surround the blanket. "Oh my god, Ash. This is amazing." I manage to whisper out. "You did all of this for me?"

"I would do anything for you." And I believe her. This is all happening so fast, but I can't help what I feel. I would do anything for her as well.

We're sitting on the blanket now. "This is beautiful." I say looking her in the eye.

"You're beautiful." I blush and lean forward connecting our lips. We end up making out for a bit before she all of a sudden pulls back. "Everything okay?" I ask concerned I did something wrong.

"Of course. It's just that the food is gonna get cold." Right. Food.

She opens the basket and starts pulling out food. It smells amazing. "I wasn't sure what you like, so I made a cheese tortellini with alfredo sauce and grilled chicken breast with bread sticks."

"This looks amazing." I kiss her cheek. "I didn't know you could cook." I smile brightly. I love learning new things about her.

We enjoy our dinner while having light conversation. "Ash, that was delicious. Thank you." She all of a sudden stands up, and disappears behind that same rock and reappears a few seconds later with a guitar.

"Umm. I just wanted to sing you a song that I wrote this week. I'm not really good at expressing myself so I'm going to do it through my music." She starts to strum the beginning of her song then begins to sing.

_I wake up in the morning_

_Put on my face_

_The one that's gonna get me_

_Through another day_

_Doesn't really matter_

_How I feel inside_

_'Cause life is like a game sometimes_

_But then you came around me_

_The walls just disappeared_

_Nothing to surround me_

_And keep me from my fears_

_I'm unprotected_

_See how I've opened up_

_Oh, you've made me trust_

_Because I've never felt like this before_

_I'm naked_

_Around you_

_Does it show?_

_You see right through me_

_And I can't hide_

_I'm naked_

_Around you_

_And it feels so right_

_I'm trying to remember_

_Why I was afraid_

_To be myself and let the_

_Covers fall away_

_I guess I never had someone like you_

_To help me, to help me fit_

_In my skin_

_I never felt like this before_

_I'm naked_

_Around you_

_Does it show?_

_You see right through me_

_And I can't hide_

_I'm naked_

_Around you_

_And it feels so right_

_I'm naked_

_Oh oh yeah_

_Does it show?_

_Yeah, I'm naked_

_Oh oh, yeah yeah_

_I'm so naked around you_

_And I can't hide_

_You're gonna (you're gonna) see right through, baby_

_you're gonna see right through,_

_i'm so naked around you,_

_and i can't hide,_

_you're gonna see right through, baby_

When she strums the last note, I have tears running down my face. That was beautiful. I hurry over to her and squeeze the life out of her. "That was the most beautiful thing I've ever hear. You truly are amazing." I kiss her lips hard, trying to convey how much I appreciated that song.

When we finally pull apart, we're both breathless. We sit back down and she grabs my hand. "Spencer, I know that we're still trying to figure everything out, but I can't stop the way I feel about you. You're beautiful, kind, compassionate, and the most amazing person I have ever met. Spencer Carlin, will you be my girlfriend?" She looks up shyly, holding her breath waiting for an answer. This has to be a dream right?

"I would love you be your girlfriend." I smile tenderly and lean in and capture her lips in a sweet kiss. It doesn't last very long and when we pull apart I lean my forehead against hers. "I just want you to know, that everything you're feeling, I feel it too. You're not alone in this." We start kissing again and she pulls back again. What else could she possibly have planned for tonight?

"Would you like some dessert?" She asks. I nod happily. "I have chocolate covered strawberries with white chocolate, milk chocolate, and dark chocolate. Which one do you want?" Wow, she really is perfect. Chocolate covered strawberries are my favorite.

"I think I'll have a white chocolate one." I couldn't wipe the smile off my face if I wanted to. Then she hands me my strawberry and picks up a dark chocolate one. We sit there eating and laughing for a while, then we take a walk down the beach hand in hand. It really is the perfect date. Not long after that we head back to the car so she can drive me home. When we get close to my house she pulls over on the side of the road and I can't help but question her.

"Ashley, wh-" I'm cut off by her lips. I can't help but let a soft moan escape me. The kiss is soft and tender and conveys everything we're feeling. I could really get used to this. Then she's pulled away and is pulling into my driveway.

"I had a really great time tonight, Ash." This is the best night of my life.

"Me too, Spencer." She gives me a nose crinkle. "Now, get your cute butt inside so I can go home and dream about you." I slowly get out of the car. I turn back towards her.

"I can't wait to dream about you either." Then I close the door and head into the house. I head straight to my room and lay down on my bed. This really was the perfect night. Right now if feel like everything is going to be okay. No matter what happens as long as I have her, everything will be okay.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **_Okay, here's the 7th chapter. I hope you enjoy! Please read and review. Let me know what you think. I'm going out of town for a few days, so I won't be able to write for a while. I don't know when I will be able to post again, but I hope it will be at the beginning of next week._

**Chapter 7**

**Ashley's POV**

Today is Wednesday. As in I have to go to Spencer's family dinner tonight. I'm freaking out a little bit at the prospect of meeting her mother. I don't want to do or say something that will make it harder for Spencer to deal with her mom. I don't want her mom to find out I'm gay, because then she won't want Spencer to hang out with me and I really don't want to cause any more problems between the two of them. They have enough of their own.

"ASH!"

"Huh?" I can tell it's not the first time she's said my name. "Sorry, Spence. I was just caught up in my thoughts." I smile at her. I would kiss her, but we're at lunch at school.

"I noticed. Now that I have your attention. Remember, you have dinner at my house tonight." She gave me that patented Spencer Carlin smile. The one that makes me melt.

"I know. I couldn't forget if I wanted to." I mumble, and look down at my hands. She leans and and whispers in my ear.

"I know you're nervous, but don't be, baby. My dad and I have your back. Even if she does find out, she won't be able to do anything to you. I promise." She leans back and sends me a soft smile with a quick reassuring squeeze to my leg.

"Thanks, I feel a lot better now." I really do. She always makes me feel better. Now it's my turn to lean in and whisper, "I really wish I could kiss you right now. It kills me not to be able to hold your hand." She gets this mischievous grin on her face. I give her my best 'what are you up to' look.

"Meet me in the bathroom in 5 min." She whispers back and then disappears. I turn to face the rest of the group, they're all looking at me trying to figure out what's going on.

"What's going on with you two?" Kyla, of course. She's very subtle. I sigh and shake my head.

"What makes you think anything is going on?" I'm starting to get nervous because Clay is at the table. I can't let anything slip in front of him.

"Because you've been off in your own little world whispering and giving each other looks all lunch." Damn. She's good. How the fuck am I going to get out of this one. And Spencer is waiting for me in the bathroom. Fuck. Clay speaks before I can say anything.

"Ashley, it's okay. I know Spencer is gay." I stare dumbfounded. He just chuckles. "Calm down Ashley, I've known since we were still in Ohio. The whole family knows actually. Except Mom. We've all talked about how we can help Spencer be comfortable enough to talk to us about it." I'm at a total loss for word. What is happening? "Relax, I like you and I think you're good for her. But you better not hurt her or me and Glen will kick your ass." All of a sudden someone comes up behind me.

"Yeah, you better not hurt my baby sister." Holy shit. I'm getting the don't hurt my sister speech right now.

"Don't worry about that, I won't. But you do know you're the same age as her seeing as you're twins, right?" I think my brain is finally catching up and i'm coming out of my shock.

"I'm 4 minutes older. And I will always view her as my baby sister." They're such good brothers.

"I hate to break up this bonding time, but I have to go." I'm racing out of the quad before they can get another word in.

"Took you long enough." Spencer states and I walk into the bathroom. I check all the stall to make sure we're alone, then go back to the door and lock it. Then I turn to Spencer.

"I've got something to tell you and I'm not exactly sure how." I start off and I realize that may not have been the best opening line considering she looks like she's about to have a panic attack. "Baby, calm down. It's nothing bad, I promise." I say and I engulf her in a hug and help her calm down. Then she hits my arm.

"Shit, babe. I thought you were gonna tell me you cheated on me or something." Oh.

"God, no. I would never. You're the only one I want to be with." She smiles and kisses me hard. I can't help the moan that escapes me. She just pulls back with a smirk intact.

"So, what were you trying to tell me?" Oh, yeah. I have to tell her that her brothers know about us.

"Well, umm, after you left the table, both of your brothers came up to me and gave me the 'don't hurt my baby sister' speech. I was completely shocked. Clay then informed me that they've known that you're gay since before you left Ohio." Wow, that wasn't as hard as I thought. Wait. Is she breathing? "Spence? Are you okay?" I think it's finally starting to sink in...

"Wait. You're telling me that my whole family knows about us except for my mom?" I slowly nod.

"Yeah, baby. That's what I'm telling you. I was just as shocked as you are. I think Kyla might have actually taken a picture of my face..." I wait a few minutes, just giving her time to process everything.

"Ash?"

"Yeah, Spence?"

"After I talk to my brother, I want to come out at school." What?

"Spence, are you sure? That's a really big step." I want her to be 100% sure this is what she wants. Kids can be cruel.

"Yes. I'm sure. I came to terms with my sexuality a few years ago, and now that my dad and brothers know, I have a really great support system. You being the biggest part of it. I don't have to worry about word getting around to my brothers anymore. And after things settle down after we come out, then I will assemble the troops and tell my mother." Wow, I'm just so proud of her. She's not even scared about coming out to the school.

"Wow, baby. I'm so proud of you." I say as I embrace her again. We stand there for a few minutes. Then she's kissing me so passionately, I lose all coherent thought. Next thing I know my back is being pressed up against the door.

"Mmm" I moan. " Spence, if you don't stop I'm going to lose all self control and I won't be able to stop at all."

"Who says I want you to?" I groan and push her back.

"Spencer, I don't want our first time to be in the school bathroom." She nuzzles her face into my neck.

"Yeah, you're right. It's just so hard not to lose control around you, because I want you so bad." I just grin.

"I want you too, baby. But I want to do this right. This is my first real relationship and I don't dirty bathroom sex for our first time. I care too much about you to treat you like that. You deserve to have your first time in a real bed with someone you love and who loves you. I don't want to take that away from you." She smiles tenderly at me and kisses me lovingly. I smile back at her. I think I'm falling for this girl. I never thought I would say those words to someone. Much less actually mean them.

"Okay, let's get out of here and head to class. The bell rang like 5 minutes ago." She kisses me one last time and then pulls me out of the bathroom.

I'm waiting for Spencer out by my car after school, so we can go to her house for dinner. Once she came out of the building we hopped in my car and headed toward her parents house. I swear the closer we got the worse my nerves got. I couldn't believe I was going to her family dinner where we had to act like just friends but everyone there knew we were more than friends, except for her mom. This is gonna be so awkward.

"Will you stop freaking out?" Spencer asked from the passenger seat. Damn. I thought I was doing a good job of hiding it for her.

"Is it that obvious?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"Yes, dear. I think you might actually be starting to sweat." We both start laughing because it's completely true. I pull over on the side of the road around the corner from her house so no one can see us.

"Babe, I need you to calm me down before we go in there. I've never met a girl's parents before. Plus I've never had to hide the fact that I'm in a relationship with their daughter before. I don't want to screw this up and make things worse between you and your mom." I rambled out. She reaches over and grabs my hand and forces me to look in her eyes.

"Baby, relax. You can't really make things worse between us. We're already as bad as it gets, and that's no ones fault but hers. It's her fault for not being able to accept me like everyone else in my life has." She leans in kisses me, "You can do this. Just be yourself, they will love you. Including my mother. Maybe that will make it easier for her to come to terms with my sexuality later." Then she decides to go for a full blown make out session just to make sure my nerves are calmed. Not that you'll ever hear me complain!

"Okay, let's go. Thank you. You always know what to say." I giver her my nose crinkle. She beams back at me and holds my hand till we park in the drive way. Next thing I know we're walking through the front door, and I'm being led into the kitchen. Her dad has his back to us while he's doing something with the stove.

"Hey, Dad! Mom still at work?" God, I hope so since we came right after school we still have a few hours till dinner.

"Yeah, she is Sweetie. Hey, Ashley! How are you?" He turns his kind eyes on me.

"I'm doing great, Mr. C! How's it going?" I officially love Spencer's dad!

"I'm doing great. I assume you're treating my daughter well?" I gives me that look that only a father can get when discussing his daughter's dating life.

"Of course, Mr. C. She means the world to me." I say truthfully while giving my beautiful girlfriend an adoring look, trying to convey exactly how much I mean that.

"Great! Then we won't have any problems!" Mr. C says while turning his attention back to the stove. Spencer grabs my hand and starts pulling me back towards the living room.

"We'll be upstairs, Dad. Call us when dinner's ready?" Spencer doesn't even wait for a response as she drags me up the stairs and into her room. All of a sudden she shuts the door and pushes me up against and her lips are on mine. The things this girl does to me.

"What was that for?" I ask after we part.

"You mean the world to me too, Ash." She starts kissing me again. I could definitely get used to this.

"Spencer, we need to stop. There's a bed right there and my self control is diminishing by the second." I say while barely managing to catch my breath. She takes a few steps back to get some much needed space between us.

"You're right. I'm sorry." Why is she apologizing?

"Spence, you have nothing to apologize for. Never apologize for kissing me like that. I will never complain about being kissed like that." She looks at me with a shy smile. I just grab her hand and move us to sit on the edge of her bed. I take this opportunity to look around her room. It really suits her. The walls are an ocean blue, just like her eyes. She's got a desk with all kinds of books and a laptop. She even has a bathroom attached to her room. Then I start to get nervous. "Is your mom gonna kill us for being up here with the door closed?" She bursts out laughing. Why is she laughing? I thought it was a legit question. She pushes me onto my back and crawls on top of me while she gets her laughter under control.

"Baby, relax. She won't be home for at least half an hour, and I'm sure that by then my brothers will have barged in to make sure you're keeping your hands to yourself." As if on cue, Glen barges into the room. She quickly gets off of me.

"Hey, ladies! I hope you're keeping your hands to yourself, Ashley." Wow, maybe it's a twin thing?

"It's not me you have to worry about in that department." I quip. Then Spencer hits me.

"Ash!"

"What? It's the truth. I haven't made a move on you since our first kiss." She just gives me a death glare.

"Okay, did not need to know that about my baby sister. We'll just leave the door open, because Mom will flip if she comes home to" he gestures to us "that." Then he's gone.

"Did you really have to say that?" Spencer asks me.

"I figured it would make him leave sooner. Plus I'm worried enough about what your family thinks about me. There was no way I was going down for what you started." She shrugs her shoulders and gives me a quick kiss.

"You have a good point, but my family will love you for you. I promise. I can already tell Clay likes you a lot." Then Clay walks in with Chelsea. What is it with this family? It's like they're telepathic. At least I won't be the only guest here for dinner tonight. Maybe it will take the pressure off.

"Hey, Chels. Didn't know you were going to be here tonight." I give her a quick hug. I haven't spent much time with her since I met Spencer.

"Yeah, Clay invited me." I glance over at Spencer and I know she wants to talk to Clay. She's wanted to since I told her that he knew in the bathroom this afternoon.

"Chelsea, can I talk to you for a minute? In the hall." Everyone gives me a strange look. I lean over and whisper to Spencer, "Talk to him, we'll be in the hall till you're done. I can even send Glen in if you want?" She nods and I grab Chelsea and head into the hall and over to Glen's room. "Hey, Glen. Spencer wants to talk to you in her room. Shut her door behind you." He looks a little confused but heads across the hall anyway.

"What's going on?" Chelsea asks while we're still standing in Glen's room.

"Spencer just wants to talk to her brothers since she found out that they know she's gay." I shrug it off like it's no big deal.

"You really like her don't you?" She gives me her 'don't bullshit me I know when you're lying' look. I knew this was gonna happen sometime, might as well spill.

"I do, Chels. I really do. She makes me feel like I'm gonna be okay. Like there was a piece missing and I didn't even know it till she filled the void." I probably have that goofy look I get when I'm thinking about Spencer.

"Wow. I never thought I would see the day that Ashley Davies had a steady girlfriend." Then she pauses and looks me directly in the eye. "You love her." It wasn't a question.

"I think so, but I've only just met her and it scares the shit out of me." She just hugs me and then tells me,

"Honey, it's okay to love her. To let her in. I know this is all new to you, but you're doing great. Honestly, I think she's perfect for you. I hope things work out for you. I can see that she makes you happier than I've ever seen you and you need to hold on to that. You may never find it again."

"When the hell did you get so wise?" We both just laugh.

"What's so funny?" Spencer asks from the doorway. I walk up to her and kiss her.

"Just Oh Wise One over here." I say with amusement in my voice. Even though she looks a little confused she just shrugs and pulls me towards the stairs.

"Dinner is almost ready, let's go set the table." I just no while grinning at her. "Wow, I've never seen anyone so excited about setting the table." She jokes.

"It's not about setting the table. It's about being with you." I think I made her melt.

"Well, aren't we quite the smooth talker today." She smirks at me.

"I'm only speaking the truth." I smirk back. Just then her mom walks through the door.

"Sorry, I'm late! There was a freeway accident and it not only held me up at the hospital, but also in traffic on the way home." She announces. Spencer's mom is an emergency surgeon.

"That's okay. Mom, this is my friend Ashley. Ashley, my mom." I smile and stick my hand out.

"It's nice to meet you Mrs. Carlin." She takes my hand and gives me the once over.

"Nice to meet you too, Ashley." She says kind of stiffly. I don't think she likes me. Glen comes down the stairs and throws his arm around me.

"Hey, Mom! I see you've met Ashley." I throw Spencer a quick look asking what he's doing. She just shrugs and gives me a look that tells me to go with it. So I do, and wrap my arm around his waist in a side hug. He then releases me and heads into the kitchen.

"Oh. You know Glen?" She raises a brow. I'm not really sure what to say.

"Yeah, he's a good friend." I say, not really sure what she's looking for.

"Oh good. I think you two make a great couple." She says then quickly walks out of the room. It takes me a second to realize what she just said, then I turn to Spencer.

"What the hell just happened?" I ask quietly.

"I think my mom is assuming that you and Glen are a couple so that she can have peace of mind that we're not together." I got that much, but how do I tell her that we're not together without her jumping to the conclusion that I want Spencer.

"Right, how do we set her straight without getting her suspicious?" I question, hoping she has an idea.

"Um, not particularly. Maybe say you're not really interested in dating at the moment? You just recently went through a tough break up?" That's actually a pretty good idea.

"Okay. That can work. Good idea. Let's go set the table." After we set the table everyone takes a seat and then Paula says a prayer. Then everyone digs in. Then Paula speaks up.

"So, Ashley. How long have you and Glen been together." We both practically choke on our food.

"We're not, Mom." Glen says obviously surprised that his mother went straight to that conclusion.

"Oh. Well, why not? You looked pretty cozy while ago." This is where I decide to speak up.

"We're just good friends, Mrs. Carlin. I'm not really looking for a boyfriend right now." I say pretty casually. But everyone else at the table looks like they want to make a smart ass comment about my lesbian ways.

"Well, why not, Ashley? You seem like a very nice girl, and you're good looking. There's no reason why a girl like you shouldn't have a boyfriend." Oh man. She just doesn't give up, does she?

"Actually, I'm just going through a pretty rough time right now. With my dad dying a few years ago and finding out I have a sister that I didn't know about for the first 14 years of her life." That ought to do it.

"I'm sorry about your dad, Ashley. What happened with your sister?" God, I really don't want to talk about this. I think it shows too because Chelsea is giving me a sympathetic look and Mr. C comes to my rescue.

"Honey, I'm sure she doesn't want to talk about all this right now." I send him a grateful look. Spencer squeezes my leg under the table.

"You're right. I'm sorry, Ashley. I didn't mean to pry." Yes you did.

"It's okay." I didn't know what else to say, so Spencer jumps in.

"So, Mom. How was work?" Nice subject change.

The rest of dinner went buy rather smoothly. Then Chelsea and I made our way out the door after we said our goodbyes.

"Wow, that was rough there for a bit at the beginning. Are you okay?" She really is a great friend.

"Yeah, I just hate lying. And is it just me or did it feel like I was being interrogated?" She just chuckles a little bit.

"It definitely did. I'm glad I didn't have to undergo the inquisition." I laugh as we approach our cars. Then I turn to hug her.

"Thanks for the talk earlier. Goodnight, Chels."

"Goodnight, Ash. See you at school tomorrow." And with that we head our separate ways.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **_Hey, Guys! Sorry I've been gone so long. Life has been a little crazy. I started a new job and I've got to get used to the new schedule. Please read and review. I appreciate all the feedback I've received so far and am looking forward to hearing more from you guys! Hopefully I'll be able to get on a schedule of posting once a week! I know this chapter is a short one but I'm working on the next one and it will be a bit longer. This just seemed like a good place to cut it off._

**Chapter 8**

**Ashley's POV**

I walk into my room after a rather awkward dinner with Spencer's family. That Paula Carlin sure is a piece of work. I'm really concerned that she would pull me out of the house by my hair if she found out about me and Spencer. That woman is scary.

"How was dinner?"

"Ahh! Holy fuck Kyla! You scared the shit out of me!" What the hell was she thinking hiding in my room in the dark.

"Sorry" At least she looked a little sheepish. "So, how was it?" Oh god, here we go.

"It went okay. Once we got past her mom's interrogation."

"So, what's going on with you and Spencer?" And there's the real reason she's in here.

"We're dating." If she wants details she's gonna have to work for them.

"Since when? And why didn't you tell me?"

"Umm, since Saturday night? I haven't really had a chance to talk to you since then. And I've just been too busy freaking out about having to meet Spencer's mom tonight. That woman is scary and a complete homophobe. She assumed that just because I know Glen that we were dating. Uck." I make a gagging sound.

"Okay, wow. That's a lot to deal with." No shit. "So, you're in a monogamous relationship?" Way to get straight to the point, Ky.

"Yep."

"Wow. I'm proud of you, Ash." Wait. That can't be all she's gonna say... "Just don't hurt her. She's good for you. You haven't been out in weeks." There we go.

"I know, Ky. She's really great. I wouldn't dare hurt her." I think she can tell how serious I am. Please don't let her bring up the love thing. I haven't even had a chance to digest it yet.

"You must really care about her. I've never seen someone have so much influence. Must be hard to change so much so abruptly." Not really.

"That's the thing, Ky. She makes it easy. I didn't even have to think about it. I just didn't want to party anymore." And all other women lost their appeal to me, but she doesn't need to know that yet.

"I'm really proud of you, Sis. I was getting really worried about you."

"Thanks, Sis. I think I'm gonna hit the hay. You know, school tomorrow and all." I just really need the time to digest some things. Like the fact that Spencer wants to come out to the school. And the fact that I love her.

"Alright. Goodnight!" And with that she's out the door.

I quickly get ready for bed and throw myself on my bed and get lost in my thoughts. I'm in love with Spencer Carlin. Do I tell her? Is it too soon? But it's how I feel, so I don't know. Am I ready to tell her? Telling her will change our relationship and there won't be any going back. And then there's the fact that Spencer wants to come out at school. Will she want to do that tomorrow since she talked to her brothers tonight? Will she be able to handle people being mean and judgemental towards her? There's so much to think about. I guess I'll just have to find out tomorrow. Time for sleep. I pull out my phone and send off a quick text before sleep overtakes me.

Goodnight, Beautiful. I'll pick u up in the morning. :)

**Spencer's POV**

After Ashley and Chelsea left I head up to my room. I'm so glad that dinner wasn't too bad. Once we got her through the initial interrogation things went rather smoothly. I hear a soft knock on my door and tell them to come in. It's my mother. Shocker.

"Hey, Mom. What's up?" I hope this doesn't lead to where I think it is based off the look on her face.

"I was just wanting to talk to you about this Ashley. I'm worried about you Spence." Yep. Right where I thought she was going. Ugh.

"Why are you worried and what does it have to do with Ashley?"

"I'm just concerned that she might be influencing you into going back to the gay thing." I can't believe she just said that.

"Why would you think that?" I really want to tell her that I'm with Ashley and that she can just deal with it, but that's not how I want to come out to her. Not out of anger and frustration.

"You two just seemed awfully close."

"She's my best friend, Mom. I am allowed to be friends with a girl."

"Of course you are, Sweetie. I just don't want us to have to go through everything that we went through back in Ohio again. We still haven't fully recovered from that." We've barely recovered at all. She's lucky I'm even civil with her right now.

"Mom, I'm really tired and I still have some homework to do, so can I get started on that now?"

"Sure. Just making sure you're doing okay." God, she's pissing me off.

"Bye Mom." That got her to leave.

After I finished my homework done, I started to get ready for bed when my phone went off.

**Goodnight, Beautiful! I'll pick u up in the morning. :)**

Ashley!

**Goodnight, Baby! Can't W8 2 C U!**

I lay down in bed and slowly drift off to sleep with images of beautiful brown eyes...


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: **_Okay, so here's the next chapter! Please read and review. I always love to hear you feedback. _

**Chapter 9**

**Ashley's POV**

I just pulled up into Spencer's driveway and she's already out the door and racing towards me.

"Hey, Baby!" She says as she gets in the car.

"Hey, Babe, how are you?" I really want to kiss her. Just not with her mom looking out the window.

"I'm doing great now that I'm with you." She's grinning.

"Now who's the smooth talker?" I grin back. Then I quickly throw the car into reverse and drive around the block then pull over again. Then I pull Spencer into a kiss.

"Mmm. I missed being able to do this." I say into her lips.

"Mmhmm" is all I get in response as she deepens the kiss. It quickly starts to get heated and I have to pull back or we'll never be able to make it to school. She pouts at me so I quickly kiss it away.

"We really have to go or we're never going to make it to school," I say as I'm pulling back on to the road.

"Yeah, you're right." She has this look on her face like she wants to say something.

"What's going on in that head of yours, Spence?"

"Well, I want to come out. I don't want to make an announcement or anything. I just figured I can hold your hand in the hallway and let people talk and ignore them." Wow, that was fast. "I know we just talked about this yesterday, but I don't want to go another day without being able to hold your hand or kiss you when I want to."

"Okay, Babe. If that's what you want. Just be warned that people will say some really harsh things and I don't want you to get hurt by it." I'm pulling into a parking spot now, so I turn to face her so she can see how serious I am.

"Thanks, Baby. I love the fact that you're so worried about me." She's smiling tenderly at me and I can't help but return it. God, I love her. She freezes. Shit. Did I say that out loud?

"Did I say that out loud?" She just nods. Oh Fuck. That's not how I wanted to tell her. "Oh God. I'm so sorry. That's not how I wanted to tell you. Umm. I mean I... damn it. Why do I always have to fuck everything up? I'm so..." I cut off by her lips.

"Say it again." She's smiling. That's a good thing, right?

"I'm so in love with you, Spencer Carlin." I'm grinning now. And she's kissing me again.

"I'm so in love with you too, Ashley Davies." I reach behind her neck and pull her back to me. Next thing I know she's on my lap straddling me. This is the most passionate kiss we've ever shared. My hand moves under the hem of her shirt and starts to caress her toned stomach. She gasps and moans into my mouth, deepening the kiss.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

We spring apart.

"I know that we all know about you guys now, but that doesn't mean we want you to put a show on for us." Kyla. Of course. Probably a good thing she broke this up. It was getting pretty hot and heavy. Spencer just buries her head in my neck to hide the blush.

"Sorry, Baby. I didn't mean for that to go so far." I say rubbing her back gently. Next thing I know she laying soft kisses on my neck. Mmmm that feels good.

"Don't apologize, Ash. We were both a part of that. Besides, I'm the one who jumped on your lap." That's a very good point. I giver her on more chaste kiss.

"Maybe we should get out of the car now, before your brothers come around."

"Too late." That was Glen. Shit.

"Come on Spence. We gotta get to class." I say as I kiss her once more.

We make our way out of my car, and grab our bags to head to class. Spence grabs my hand and we start walking. I stop us and turn to face her, "Are you sure you're ready for this?" She just looks me directly in the eyes and that's all I need to know that she is.

"I'm more than ready, I'm just sorry I waited this long in the first place." I pull her into a hug.

"Oh, baby. There's no reason to apologize. I told you from the beginning that I would wait for you and I meant it. I still do. No matter what happens I will always wait for you. I love you, Spencer." When did I turn into such a mushball?

"I love you too, Ashley. And I will no longer make you wait to be with me out in the open." She kisses me chastely and starts dragging me towards the school. "Now, let's go to class."

We're walking towards class again, holding hands. All I can do is grin because I'm just so proud of her. People are staring and whispering back and forth to each other, so what does my beautiful blonde do? She just smiles and leans over to whisper in my ear, "Thanks for being by my side, Baby. I can't express how much this means to me."

I just grin back, "I wouldn't have it any other way, Babe." And I mean every word.

When we walk into our first class, Mrs. Galloway just gives us both a warm smile with a "Good morning girls." Her usual greeting. "Miss Davies you're starting to become predictable." She's beaming in reference to me showing up to class every day and not being late anymore.

"Well, between you and Spencer nothing could keep me away." I wink at her. Mrs. Galloway just continues to beam at me and Spencer. She's giving me that proud mamma look. She really does care. I'll have to do something nice to show her how much I appreciate it.

Once we're seated, Spencer decides to ask me "Babe, were you just flirting with Mrs. Galloway?" I laugh.

"No, Baby. I just really like Mrs. Galloway. She's the only teacher that actually gives a shit whether or not I show up to class. All my other teachers just wish I would drop out so they don't have to deal with me anymore. She cares, which is more than I can say for anyone else in this school." She just leans over and kisses me tenderly.

"I'm glad you have someone else looking out for you." She kisses me again and I completely forget where we are. I lean in to continue kissing her when a throat clears. We look up and see none other than Madison Duarte. Fan-fucking-tastic.

"Can we help you?" I ask rather pointedly.

"Spencer, if I would have known you were a dyke I never would have considered offering you a spot on the squad." Where the hell does she get off talking to Spencer like that? I quickly stand up and get in her face.

"Where the hell do you get off talking to her like that?"

"I can talk to her how I please." Now i'm getting pissed.

"You better watch yourself, bitch. You can treat me however you want, I could care less. But you better not say another hateful word toward Spencer again or I'll personally kick your ass."

"Spencer, you better get your bitch in line before she gets hurt." She actually didn't insult Spencer. I'm surprised.

"Back off Madison." Spencer? "Baby, can we just ignore her?" She gives me the puppy eyes. She knows I can't resist the eyes.

"Ugh. Fine." I plop back down.

"Damn, Chica. She must be good in bed to have you this whipped." Bitch is dead. I lunge over the desk at her. Much to Spencer's disapproval. We get pulled apart by Spencer and the teacher, but I managed to get a couple of good punches in first. I've got one scratch on my are. No big deal.

We both got sent to the office to see about our punishment. By the time everything is settled, it's the end of second period. So I just go and wait outside of Spencer's class. She's not going to be happy. The bell rings and I see Spence and Chelsea walking towards me. They both look upset. Fuck.

"Hi." I say timidly. Not sure what her reaction to everything is going to be.

WHACK!

"What the hell, Chels!" She smacked me in the back of the head.

"Fighting? Again. Really?" I really just want to talk to Spencer right now.

"She was being mean to Spencer." I mumble out. Her face softens at that. She knows how much Spencer means to me.

"I get that, but you just can't attack the girl. No matter how much of a bitch she is."

"Can I just escort my girlfriend to class now?" She just nods and heads in the other direction. I turn to Spencer, "So... How much trouble am I in?" I hesitantly ask.

"Depends." She laces our fingers together. That's a good sign, right?

"On what?"

"What is the schools punishment for you?" This is the part she's not going to like.

"Well, they wanted to suspend me, but thanks to Mrs. Galloway saying Madison was just as at fault as I was they decided that we will both be serving 3 days of detention." I glance nervously in her direction.

"You're lucky. If you would have been suspended then you would have had to go that long without seeing me." I can't believe she wouldn't see me after school if I had been suspended. "But seeing as how you got off with just detention, you will just have to go three days without driving me home after school. I'll be riding with Chelsea."

"This sucks." I grumble. "Can I at least come over after detention?" She just shrugs.

"I told you to just ignore her, and you fought with her anyway."

"She was disrespecting you. I couldn't just sit back and do nothing."

"I get that, but you still shouldn't have attacked her." She's dead serious.

"I was protecting you, and when it comes down having the choice of being right, or protecting you, I'll be wrong every time." She turns and grins at me, then next thing I know I'm being jerked into the bathroom and shoved into a stall. I'm being thrown up against the locked stall and her lips are attacking mine. I can't help but let out a moan. I love dom Spencer.

"I love you so much, Ashley. Thanks for sticking up for me. I really do appreciate it." She's kissing down my neck now. "You can stick up for me any time you want. Just from now on only with words. Please no more fighting. I couldn't bear it if you got hurt." She's pleading with her eyes. How could I ever say no to that?

"I promise, Baby. No more fighting." She's kissing me again. "I love you so much, Spencer." I flip us around so it's her against the stall door. She moans as I start kissing down her neck. I kiss up her neck to her ear and whisper, "You're the most amazing person I've ever met. I don't know what I would do without you." I suckle on her earlobe a bit. I pull back because I don't want this to go any further. Not here. Not like this. When I look in her eyes I can see she feels the same so I just peck her on the lips and take a step back to cool off.

"Alright, hun. Let's get to class before we get in trouble." One last peck and we're out the door. I walk her to class as usual and kiss her goodbye.

I'm walking up to my lunch table hand in hand with my beautiful girlfriend, when Spencer trips. Thanks to my quick reflexes I catch her. It's then that I realize how close our faces are from the position we ended up in after her near fall. I get lost in her gorgeous blues and can't help but lean in for a kiss. She seems to be just as lost in us as I am because I didn't realize that we were making out until all the cat calls and wolf whistles started. Oops. We pull back and she buries her face in my neck to hide her embarrassment. I chuckle a little and lead her the rest of the way to the table. Once we're seated Kyla speaks up.

"Hey, Ash, you'll never guess what I heard today." I can tell by her tone that she's anything but serious.

"Oh yeah, what's that?" There's no telling what it's gonna be.

"Just that you and Spencer are the newest item." I gasp and turn to Spencer.

"Spencer Carlin, you're gay?" I pretend to be shocked. Everyone at the table just cracks up laughing.

Throughout lunch I can't help but notice how much all of my friends love Spencer and how well she fits in with everyone. It's like we've all been friends for years. She notices me being caught up in my thoughts and leans over to whisper, "You okay over there? You've got your thinky face on." I smile back at her.

"Yeah, Baby. I was just thinking about how much I love you and how well you get along with my friends." She smiles and kisses me softly.

"I love you too." I can't help it I have to kiss her again.

"Oi! Break it up down there! That's my sister!" Fucking Glen. He's worse than Kyla.

"Shut up Glen. You're just jealous." Go Spencer!

"You're sexy when you're feisty" I whisper in her ear. Her eyes go a shade darker and her breathing increases slightly. Oh yeah. I'm good. Then she smacks me on the arm and tells me to behave. "You realize that that right there just turns me on even more, right? Dom Spencer is even sexier than Feisty Spencer." She just gives me a sexy smirk and turns back to the rest of the table to rejoin in their conversation. I just put my arm around her waist and join in as well. Life is good right now. I'm actually happy for once. Let's hope it stays that way.


	11. Chapter 11

Hey, guys! I'm so sorry about taking so long to update. And I'm sorry that this is not an update. I'm in the middle of a transition from one job to another so I'm working basically every day now. Today is my first day off in a few weeks and I won't have another one for two more weeks, then I will be down to only the one job and will be able to get back on schedule. Don't worry though, I haven't forgot about you and I will get this story finished and I will most likely have a sequel. Thank you for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate all of you. Even the ones who don't review and just read in the background.


	12. Chapter 12

_**A/N: **Okay, so I finally have the next chapter up. Sorry about the wait, but I am finally down to only one job. Which means I won't be working more than 40 hours a week and I also won't ever be working weekends. I've already started on the next chapter so hopefully it will be up by next week. I've never written anything like this chapter before so I would really appreciate reviews. Thanks for sticking with me!_

Chapter 10

Ashley's POV

It's been a month since the dinner with Spencer's parents and so far nothing has changed. The comments and glares have died down at school from all except Madison and her posse. We haven't moved past making out and Spener's mom still has no clue what's going on between us. Oh. And right now we're at my house making out on my bed. It's also Friday night and she is staying the night.

"Mmm, Ash?" I pull back so I can look in her eyes.

"Yeah, baby?" We're sitting up now. There's something in her eyes that I've never seen before.

"I think I'm ready to take things to the next level with us..." Wait. Does she mean sex? I look her directly in the eye and I know she's ready. But I don't know if I am.

"Wow, are you sure? That's a big step." She shoves me on my back, straddles me, and pulls her shirt off leaving her in a bra and shorts.

"Do believe I'm sure now?" Yep. Definitely sure. I can't do anything but stare. She reaches down and grabs my hands, placing them on her bra clad breasts. "It's okay. I want this. I want you. And I really want you to show me how to make love to you." She's now kissing me like she's never kissed me before. I can't help the moan that escapes me. She lifts my shirt off of me and starts caressing my stomach and then getting higher. She reaches my bra and undoes the front clasp and moves it to the side before palming both my breasts in her hands and slowly massaging me.

"Oh God!" I moan out. Nothing has ever felt this good and she's barely even touched me. She starts squeezing my nipples between her fingers, and I can't help but throw my head back in pleasure. Then, without warning, her mouth replaces her right hand on my left breast. "Fuck, that feels so good, baby!" She finally slips my bra off all the way and throws it off somewhere. I reach behind her and unclasp her bra and removing it in one swift motion. I quickly flip us over and attack her chest. We both moan at the contact of my tongue on her nipple. I pay equal attention to both breasts, then start kissing down her stomach.

She's squirming beneath me and when I reach the buttons on her shorts I look up into her dark blue eyes, "Are you sure?" She just gives me this smoldering look that leaves no room for objection. I waste no more time in removing the rest of her clothes. Leaving her completely naked beneath me. "You're so beautiful." I tell her as I look her up and down.

"So are you, Ash. The most beautiful person I've ever laid eyes on." I blush. Then she's undoing the button on my pants and I get the hint. Removing the rest of my clothing, I move to lay on top of her. We both moan at the skin to skin contact. I capture her lips in a heated kiss. I slip my tongue into her mouth as my hand starts to slid down her stomach. As I get closer, she spreads her legs inviting me in. I experimentally run two fingers through her fold, and her hips buck as she lets out a guttural moan. I can't help but moan either.

"Are you ready?" She just nods while looking me in the eye. I see nothing but love. "Okay, this might hurt a little bit at first." I gently slide one finger inside of her, not moving so she can adjust to the new sensations. As I start to slowly move in and out I start kissing her again. She starts to moan and buck her hips so I start going faster. She's gripping my back trying to pull me closer. I slip my tongue in her mouth as I slip a second finger in. She throws her head back in pleasure.

"Ash!" I just start kissing her neck and moving faster. She's meeting every thrust and I can tell she's getting close, so I start to massage her clit with my thumb. "Oh God! Ashley!" Her walls start to tighten around my fingers to the point that it's almost painful. I curl my fingers and start stroking her g-spot with every outward thrust. It won't take long now. Her entire body arches and stiffens the relaxes again as she screams out my name. I keep pumping but slow down as she rides out her orgasm. When she stills completely I slowly and carefully remove my fingers.

"Are you okay, baby?" She finally opens her eyes and has a lazy smile across her face.

"Yeah, baby. I'm more than fine." I just grin and kiss her and then roll over so she can curl into my side. We're laying there cuddling for a few min when she starts to run her hands across my stomach. It's purely innocent, but with me still being extremely turned on from bringing her to her climax, I can't help but let out a soft moan. She leans up and kisses my chin. "I love you so much, Ashley."

"I love you too, Baby." I lean in and kiss her fully. Next thing I know, she's straddling me, and kissing down my neck. "You don't have to return the favor if you're not comfortable with that yet." She just looks at me incredulously.

"We're both naked and I'm straddling you, and you're going to question whether or not I want to. Are you that blind?" I chuckle a little.

"I just want to make sure you're comfortable and don't feel pressured to do anything you're not ready for." She just kisses me and tells me to shut up. She's now laid down with her knee between my legs and rubbing against my center. I'm moaning almost constantly at this point. I can't help it. She just has no idea what she does to me. She removes her knee and replaces it with her hand and starts gently exploring my folds. She stops and looks up at me.

"Show me." I get the hint. I reach down and grab her right hand and slowly push two fingers inside of me. I throw my head back and my eyes roll back in my head as I moan. She starts pumping in and out. I start moving my hips and meeting every thrust. I start moving faster and she gets the hint and keeps pace with me.

"Oh God, Spencer! That feels so fucking good." She moves her knee behind her hand to give herself some more force behind her thrusts, and I feel like I'm about to loose it. I'm so fucking close. But it's just not quite enough. I think she senses that.

"What do you need baby?" She asks me, her voice a few octaves lower than usual.

"More"

"More what, baby?"

"Fingers." I barely manage to get out. She seems a little hesitant, but slips a third finger in and continues her rhythm. "Oh God. That's it. Right there." I grab the back of her neck and pull her down for a heart stopping kiss. She moves her thumb to my clit and that's all it takes before I'm crying out from the most intense orgasm I've ever received. Once I finally come down from my high she removes her fingers and starts to kiss me lightly all over my face.

"Was that okay?" She asks, looking all shy.

"That was so much better than okay." I punctuate it with a kiss. "I've never felt anything like that before. Are you sure you've never done that before?" She's got a shy grin on her face now.

"I'm sure." She starts kissing me again. "I love you, and I'm so glad you were my first. I hope you're my only as well." Before I even get a chance to respond to that she's kissing and touching me and I forget all about everything but her hands on me. We end up making love all night. Over and over again. That was the best night of my life.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: **_So, I had some free time at work and decided to finish up this chapter. Please let me know what you think. This was hard for me to write, having to switch perspectives up a bit, but I think I pulled through. I hope you enjoy! R&amp;R_

**Chapter 11**

**Ashley's POV**

When I wake up the next day, I can't help but sigh in contentment. Waking up with a naked Spencer curled up into my side with her head on my chest is something I could easily get used to. It's a bit weird for me because I've never woken up next to someone that I've slept with before. It's a completely new experience that I never want to live without again. Coming to the realization that I want to wake up next to her every day for the rest of my life really sent my head spinning. I never in a million years thought that I would so easily be settling down. I thought it would be harder. More of a challenge, but it's so easy. I don't even have to try. I never even realize the changes that I'm making until I've already made them, then it's just me being reflective. I don't understand what this beautiful woman is doing to me, but I never want it to stop.

"I can hear you thinking, Ash. Everything okay?" She's propped herself up so she can look at me. She looks concerned and I hate that I've caused that.

"Everything is great, Baby" I can't help the grin that spreads across my face.

"Then what were you thinking so seriously about?" She steals a quick kiss.

"About how much I love waking up next to you, and the fact that you said you hoped I'd be your only..." I trail off a bit as she looks down.

"I'm sorry if that freaked you out or anything..." I cut her off with a kiss.

"Baby, stop. I hope I'm your only too. I just wish that you were my only too, and that I hadn't done all the stupid shit that I have. That I would have given enough of a shit about myself to save myself for you." She's got this strange look on her face that I can't figure out. It's kind of starting to worry me.

"Ashley Davies. I love you so much. I don't care about your past. None of that matters. What matters is that since the moment you met me, you've done nothing but prove how much you care about me. What matters is that from now on you're mine and mine alone, and that I'm yours and yours alone. The mistakes you've made are in your past and as long as they stay there and you don't make the same mistakes again, nothing will come between us." She kisses me in a kiss that makes me feel everything she's just said. "Besides, I may not be the first person you've ever had sex with, but I am the first person you've ever made love to. I hope to be your only as well." I grin and pull her lips back to mine.

"You're amazing, you know that?" Of course that leads to more kissing, which in turn leads to more sex.

When we finally wear ourselves out we put some clothes on and head down to the kitchen to grab some much needed food. As we're sitting there eating, we hear the doorbell ring. I head to the door and when I open it, I freeze.

**Spencer's POV**

I wonder who's at the door. I get up to follow Ash and find her frozen in the doorway with a look of shock on her face. She's starting to go pale and now I'm really concerned.

"Ash, Baby. What's wrong?" I'm by her side in an instant with one hand on her cheek trying to get her to look at me. Then she says the thing I'm least expecting to hear.

"Dan? What the fuck are you doing here?" DAN?! As in her brother that ditched her once he found out she was gay?

**Ashley's POV**

What the fuck is he doing here? "It's been two years, Dan. How could you just disappear on me like that? Especially only a year after Dad died."

"Ashley. I'm so sorry. I just couldn't handle everything that happened." I scoff.

"Oh. You mean like me coming out? You couldn't handle me being gay so you just disappear?" He looks so pained, but I just can't let him back in so easily. Not after everything.

"NO! I don't give a shit about your sexuality. I've known since you were a kid anyway." He seems sincere but why should I believe him?

"Then what? What could possibly cause you to abandon your little sister to live alone with Christine and a long lost sister that you know nothing about?" We've managed to move to the living room by now and I'm sitting with Spencer, practically clinging to her to help me get through this.

"Just a few days before you came out, when I went on the college tour upstate, I ran into Joe. I overheard him talking to one of his friends after he invited me to hang at his apartment. I went to the bathroom and when I came back, before I rounded the corner, I heard him bragging about everything he did to you." By this point we're all in tears. "I ended up beating the shit out of him. I would have killed him if it wouldn't have been for his room mate. And when I got back, I just couldn't look you in the eye. Knowing that I failed you as a brother. That I couldn't protect you. Not only did I fail at protecting you, but I didn't even know anything happened. I was stupid and inattentive and I should have noticed that something was going on." He looks so hurt and guilty. I just cry harder and cling to Spencer, who's rubbing soothing circles on my back and trying to comfort me.

"I knew something was off when you were around 10 or 11. You weren't a bubbly and happy anymore and you seemed to brood a lot more. I just assumed it was puberty. I should have talked to you about it. Maybe you would have felt comfortable enough to talk to me about it. I would have been there for you. Maybe we could have gotten the rat bastard put away."

"Dan, what he did to me. It had nothing to do with you. It wasn't your fault and there was nothing you could do to prevent it. I didn't want anyone to know, so I hid it from you and everyone else. Apparently I did a good job." I'm relieved to know that he didn't leave because I'm gay, but at the same time, knowing that doesn't erase all the pain of being abandoned. "So, what are you doing here? Why now? Why come back after two years?"

"After I found out the guilt ate me alive. Then when I left the guilt just compounded and made me feel so much worse. I had to go to college and get my degree in criminal justice so that I could come back and help put him away. I just couldn't face you until I had something to show for it." Is he going where I think he's going? "I've been building a case against him for about 6 months now, and we finally got something solid. He's going away for years. Now, I know that this doesn't make up for any of the pain I've caused you, but I'm hoping it can be a start in the right direction of maybe rebuilding our relationship." I can't believe what's going on right now. I look to Spencer and she's just staring at me lovingly and silently telling me that no matter what I decide she supports me 100%. I think I fell even more in love with her in that moment.

"Dan, this is a lot to process all at once. I just..."

"I know, Ashley. Just promise me you will think about it." He sets down a card with his information on it. "I'm not going anywhere again, Ash. I should never have left, and I'm not going to make that mistake again. No matter what you decide, I will always be here." And with that he get up and kisses me on the head, tells me he loves me, and leaves.


End file.
